There are times when we face difficult or challenging issues either at home or in the workplace, where a clear resolution is simply not attainable. We refer to these as ‘unresolvable’ and must find a way to get passed them that work for both parties. This is when we need to shift our focus from solving to coping with the conflict at hand. We somehow need to accept the situation, validate any pain involved and of course manage our emotional response.
There are some key strategies that must be considered in such cases as:
- Setting boundaries
- Focus on self-care
- Maintain open and respectful communication
- Avoid resentment
- Attempt to find positive aspects on both sides
One way to reduce stress and a feeling of despair is by recognizing that in life there will be conflicts that simply cannot be ‘fixed,’ It is also important to validate the other person’s, and your own experience within the conflict. Both parties need to accept that this particular issue is difficult for all concerned. There needs to be a shift from solving the problem at hand to managing it and being aware of your reactions. This can greatly reduce the harm it can cause to your own life or to your relationship.
Resentment can grow on both sides if the issue is not dealt with in a calm and respectful manner. Avoiding blame is key to successfully reaching an agreement that is acceptable to all concerned. Maintaining a positive relationship is possible if you can communicate your needs and feelings using ‘I’ statements.
Despite the current conflict, it is important to be able to focus on the positive aspects that still exist in your relationship. This can help highlight the care and respect you both feel for one another. Practising self-care and keeping emotions in check can go a long way in keeping the dialogue on a more positive path.
This is a time when professional help from a trained counsellor can be of great value in helping both parties come to a peaceful conclusion. As a professional counsellor, I can help you understand what you can control, such as your responses within the conflict as well as your actions. With the right help and guidance, it is possible to accept the situation, reduce conflict, and focus on a path to strengthening the positive aspects of your relationship.
Conflict resolution counselling can be done as an individual or a couple.
